Alright, so i officially had the wackiest New Year's Eve ever. Long story short - i got 3 hours of sleep (in Anthony Chenier's bed. Ew), i missed the last step in Con's basement and landed on my face, and i almost tried to climb onto the roof at St. Charles College. All in all, a very good night.

Christmas was good, but it lacked in people. There was only nine of us who stayed at Grandma and Grandpa's house for supper, even though other people kept dropping by. My wonderful neighbour/boss gave me a set of cookware (really good stuff), for next year when i'm on my own, and i finally got my guitar. i am in fucken heaven. Mom remembered to put toothbrushes in our stockings this year, mostly cuz i kept bugging her. We have had only one Christmas without toothbrushes, and just for the lack of that one shocking stuffer, it didn't really feel like Christmas.

i am also quite happy to say that i just got an offer from my neighbour/boss to come back to work nearly full time, instead of just the two trips to TO that we have planned for the end of the month. Great, i miss the kids. It's awesome that i get to keep my job instead of trying to find a new one, cuz i was not looking forward to it, and i've been feeling like i need something to do for the next month. Gah, 30 days until i'm back in school!

Okay, so my life has been completely wonky as of late. i went to elleQ rehearsal at the studio last Sunday morning, from which my boss/neighbor picked me up and we drove to Toronto from there. We got back to town on Thursday just in time for me to get back to the studio for class. Perfect.

i've been working a lot, and making mucho grande cash. It will all come in handy.

Our computer is completely fried. At first it was just a little fried, then we took it in to the shop to get fixed. We got it back and it worked fine until i downloaded new anti-virus software and then it all went seven ways of fritzy. So far i've got my dad's work laptop hook-up, but the 'rents are gonna buy a new computer soon. YAY! Just means i won't have to get my own laptop quite as soon.

Yes, i bore. i know.

My parents are still crazy, my brother is still a jerk with an oh-so-adorable interior, and my sister is being blamed for every from the fact that there is hot chocolate scuz in my fav tea mug to the fact that we have about a foot of snow on the ground. Everything is her fault, never mind the fact that she practically lives in another province. (Northern Ontario and Southern Ontario are sooo not the same province).

i have to register for school this month, which is a freakishly appealing thought.

Oh, and i made really good roasted veg with tofu and basmati rice for supper. YUM. Not YUK.

Yes, it's snowing ... i'm having mixed feelings -

FUCK! May i take a single moment to say that there is this freaky guy talking about weight lose on my computer and i didn't put him there! These voices are just popping up out of nowhere and speaking in my headphones (not my head) and it is pissing me off! AHRG! i hate technology!

- so anyway, i kinda like the snow cuz it's making me feel all Christmassy and warm and i'm looking forward to the Christmas assembly at school, but on the other hand it's cold and it gets up your sleeves and it falls off peoples' boots in the hallway and i end up stepping in it. My socks hate the snow.

P.S. How sad is it that my brother is just waking up now and it's 2:32 PM.

While children and money are nice, i really miss my friends. As in REALLY miss them. Halloween was fun (food drive and Donnie Darko watching in Falconbridge) but i haven't seen everyone together in one place in a few weeks. i am also completely out of shape. i was supposed to register for dance classes this week but i'm gonna be out of town until Tuesday and mom is 'escaping' that night. i've had either drivers' ed. or no way into town for about two weekends now, so i'm all out of touch with L&M at elleQ.

i don't really miss school, but i am missing all the things that come along with school. i miss the people and the dancing but i don't miss the teachers or classes or shit like that. My life suddenly became all about the kids and driving and i kind lost all the things i wanted to keep in my life after i left school. On a better note, yesterday i made supper for the family i work for: chicken and pumpkin risotto (don't make an ew face, it was actually really good) and apple crisp.

i am looking forward to choreography and Women's Studies class when i get back to school. English class with Dodds is also looking freakishly appealling.

Yeah, so i realize i sound like a bitch online, or in person, or whatever. Sometimes we all just need to bitch about things and when friends aren't in the general vicinity i tend to vent on livejournal waaaay too much. My apologies. And yes, sopalicious i realize how nice our parents actually are, but i'm gonna point out that absence does make the heart grow fonder, and if you still lived here you'd be a bit pissed off from time to time too. Ms. D asked me once how my big sis and i were getting along and i replied, "Oh, we're getting along fine. She moved away."

On a lighter note, i've got driver's ed. this weekend. This means i'm gonna miss rehearsal this week but elleQ is having dinner together Sunday night, so hooray!

i'm visiting school tomorrow and i know i shouldn't be this excited but i am.

i'm back after a required breakdown, which my mom said was because she made me think about the time i spend online (WTF?), but was actually about me missing my friends and needing to find someone to talk to who is not a family member. The real breakdown happened when i stuffed warm clothes, my bus pass, the charger cord for my MP3 and my favorite book into my backpack and tried to hitchhike into town. The sad part is that i walked for 45 minutes and still wasn't at the highway. That brought on the Sulking on the Roadside reading Cunt and watching cars go by. Yeah, great day, huh?

Honestly, my parents act like it's entirely my problem that i didn't get my driver's license when i turned 16, but they don't take into account that between the two of them and my sister having the cars all of the time, i would have never had to drive anywhere anyway. Plus, having to take driver's ed. would have been "inconvenient" (their word, not mine). By the time Sofy left to move down south we only had the truck working 'cuz she trashed the car (no hard feelings, just truth). Even now it's not the most convenient thing for me to take driver's ed. 'cuz i'm going to be in town almost never. Hopefully, i'll be moving to a place with good public transit within the next year, so by the time i get my G2 in January i'll have about six months where i'll be able to drive by myself. Between mom working evenings at the liquor store and dad working either at the mine or in town i'll never have to drive anywhere by myself. Living in the middle of nowhere is pissing me off so much right now. i can't even make it to a place where the city trans-cab will pick to up to take me to a bus stop without walking for over an hour. i really don't care right now about having tons of space or privacy or having the resources to raise our own livestock right now. i just want to be in town.

To combat my argument that i live practically in another city (or just trying to shut me up) my mom said that i could move into town if i wanted to. Yeah, i thought about that, but first i'd have to get a job so that i could save money for said move into town. A job besides babysitting the neighbors. i've tried to get a job in town, but my mom said that it wouldn't be "convenient" right now. See above, re: driving. So i'm stuck in this vicious cycle of not having a job so that i could move into town and have a job. Gah, FLM. She wonders why i spend to much time reading - it's called escapism, mom.

i did start taking care of the kids across the street yesterday. They are so unbelievably cute, and that baby is just something else.

I cannot wait for Thursday. Not only am i going to school for a modern dance class, but there's going to be a info session for U of Guelph after lunch *jumps up and down clapping hands excitedly*! Add to that the fact that Wonderful Neighbor Lady is picking me up after and we're going back to T.O. for two days!! Whoot - freedom and childcare!

So, i'm sorry for the thesis on my shitty life and circumstance right now, but it needed to be done. On a happier note, last week in Barrie i tried sushi (salmon, but i kept if down), and i get to do laundry tomorrow. That makes me incredibly happy, and yes i know that it's strange.

Okay, so my mom is on a dictator-like media scourge and my internet use is being limited to an hour and a half per day (i'm gonna try to talk her up to two hours). i might be on a bit of a media diet for the next little while.

This entire situation started 'cuz my brother yelled and then murmured under his breath at me for "breaking the TV remote batteries". Yeah, i chucked another battery at him after that cuz he did this really annoying thing where he murmurs and acts like a complete asshole. This somehow got us suspended from the TV and computer until we make up weekly schedules saying exactly what we are going to use them for. So right now i'm "researching universities". Ha, i'm gonna get another job and buy my own computer 'cuz this one is shit.

... on my breasts. Yeah, you know you weren't expecting that. Yesterday i drove down to Toronto with my neighbor and her two girls, and this morning we had an incident with breakfast. Therefore, i have yogurt on my shirt. i should probably change my shirt soon.

The girls are really the cutest things on this planet, with the exception of yawning newborn kittens. Despite this morning's incident (what three-year-old would refuse Fruit Loops?) and another hissy fit at the Superstore because the potatoes we had for lunch weren't small enough, the trip went well enough. It all adds up to having money to pay for car insurance, clothes, university, a laptop, dance classes, dread wax, etc. and other things i would really benefit from having.

i think that i might just move to Guelph next fall and then wait until i have enough money to start school part time the year after. i'm really excited for the U of G presentation at SSS next Thursday. Yes, i know that i am no longer a student, but that doesn't mean that i can't go sit in their library and partake of free information. i love my system of milking the schools for all they're worth. i get a weird sense of joy and vindication out of it.

(Sweet, i just saw that the "Mood" menu includes "thirsty". i didn't know that was a mood.)

P.S. Whoot! LiveJournal makeover!

Not much has happened in the past week. i hung out. i slept. i ate good food that didn't have to be reheated in a dance studio. Never realized how much i like being able to eat lunch right when it's cooked. i missed that.

On Friday i went to my mom's friend's house and cleaned their bathroom so that they could sell the house. Allow me to go on a tangent here ... i am normally a very easy-going person. i once walked from school to Value Village with a friend of mine, and we walked barefoot most of the way. i dance barefoot. i run around outside barefoot for most of the year. In fact, i have a tradition of going barefoot during the first snowfall of the year.

i will not go into my mom's friend's house barefoot. i insisted on wearing socks even when i cleaned the shower. This house is disgusting. i scrubbed that shower stall for over an hour and a half, and i still refuse to even step into it. *$15 an hour, $15 an hour, $15 an hour ...*

Anyway, Thursday i babysat the neighbors, and this morning i went over to wash their kitchen floor. Not the easiest thing to do when you have three kids running around. But then Adam (only six years old, has the biggest crush on me) said in the most complaint-ridden voice, "My mom's making you clean? Ugh." This coming from the kid who thinks sausages come out of pigs fully formed. Adorable. i don't think he actual knows i get paid for hanging out with him.

i'm pretty sure i'm going to school for ballet class on Tuesday, cuz i haven't talked face to face with anyone my own age in over a week. Gah, i missed people.

i am officially no longer a student at SSS. Mageau made me say i'm email her all the time. i said goodbye to Ms. D yesterday and she wasn't here today, so we had comp class this Meghan. Everyone is kinda worried i won't be back, but come on, SSS was my home for four years! i'll be back in like, two weeks.

Tonight i have to lug my dance bag, my purse, overnight bag, pillow, sleeping bag(?), cake pans and cake ingredients to Con's house on the city bus. Here's hoping that the cake and the inebriation is worth it.

i'll start at the beginning of my day.

It was truly a "Why the %$@# did i get out of bed today?" kind of day, mostly because all the classes were about forty minutes long and so i was done class by 10 AM. i had my last ballet class of the semester, which i was late for because i didn't bring my clothes to class and then had to run back across school and get them. Computer class was ... well, it was a Gr. 10 open computer class with Ms. Graham. It's easy. i sat in the C studio and watched an MGM special during 3rd.

At lunch i explained to Ms Downey about my leaving school, how nothing is really working out this semester and how it's making me physically ill (i'm sick, tired, i have weird bumps forming behind my ears, and i think i've gained weight in the last month). She took the news pretty well and said that i could come back and visit any time. i'm happy that i kept it together today, unlike yesterday when i told Mageau and my entire lunch break turned into a crying jag and my nose was running and it was just awful 'cuz i'm like, the ugliest cryer in the world. i thought Ms. D was going to be really upset, for as Nikki said "She's gonna be pissed - you're not gonna have a head!"

From there i went to help Sarah move the mats in the wrestling room, from which i have now contracted AIDS and Hepatitis. Seriously, that is the most nasty room i have ever been in. The janitors don't know where it is.

i went to sit in the caf and eat my awesome lunch of avocado and tomato on a bagel. Yum. Not yuk. Jess A and i decided to go to the public library after that. i know that i'm rambling, but bare with me. This is where it gets good.

As Jess and i sat at our shitty public computers, this white gangsta kinda guy came with what looked like a computer base under his arm. As he walked through the library he kept talking loudly about how black he was. This alone set us and the girl sitting beside us into giggle fits. The black-but-actually-white guy walked over to the info desk, put the computer thing down and started talking to himself about the headphones going missing. Continuing the funny.

So this guys walks up to us and asks if we know where the headphones are. i, like the big idiot i can sometimes be, actually answer that the headphones are at the info desk. Oh shit. i've just started a conversation. For the next ten minutes the guys keeps talking to the librarian about the kids who steal the headphones and that "those girls" (me and my big mouth and my peeps) don't know where the headphones are. He kept looking at us and i kept laughing quietly and telling Jess and the other girl that i was sooo sorry. Anyway, Jess and i left soon after and "i'm black" became an on-going joke for the two of us.

At this point we decided to go back to the school and watch the MP debate that they were having in the auditorium. The guy i listen to every morning on the radio was there as a moderator (which was needed, more on that later). i'll quickly go over the entire thing person by person, otherwise this will actually take forever.

Gordon Harris, Green Party - i danced with his daughters a few years ago, president of the arts council, very funny, stood up and talked, i talked to him after and gave him the grant application for elleQ, introduced myself as part of the company, talk about the performance at Northern Lights.

Diane Marleau, Liberal Party - Nice enough, but she skirted my question about choice, equal pay for equal work, just talked about women getting in office.

Will Morin, First Peoples Federal Party of Canada - i love this guy! Showed up late because he was teaching, jumped up on stage stood up in front of the table and did "How many of you ...?" questions about making out voices heard, mostly native teaching and so he brought every question back to inclusion, respect and sharing. Plus i met him at solstice a few years ago and all his art is hanging in Denise's studio.

Glenn Thibeault, NDP - Nice guy, asked us to check out his Facebook for more info, offered volunteer hours for campaign work, talked environment and arts.

David Popescu, Independent - Began his statement with "Let's us pray," and it all went downhill from there. i laughed through the whole thing. Lindsey sat beside me and poked at me the whole time. Every question we asked he brought back to God; Carbon tax - Noah's flood made oil, free education - Laurentian is full of hardcore atheists and Boreal is Catholic and only they deserve education, stem cell research - we can use them as long as they don't come from fetuses because abortion is murder, Arts and culture - arts festivals all have beer and are a excuse to get drunk and culture has the word cult in it so anyone with culture is a Satanist.

Big moments: the Marleau-Morin fist bump, Harris rolling his eyes everytime Popescu opened his mouth, Morin and Thibeault teaching everyone how to yell "Shame!" everytime we hear anything that sounds like douche-baggery, all the candidates but Popescu saying they'd decriminalize pot.

Really big moments: the guy in front of me in the question line was giving off very good vibes, and it turned out his question was "What is your stance on gay marriage?"

"I think homosexuals should be executed."

Good thing the moderator was holding the mic away from me 'cuz i was freaking out. But it's not like anyone would have heard me anyway, thanks to the screaming that erupted in the auditorium. If the teachers hadn't been there it would have been a full on lynch mob. i couldn't think because i was in shock, so about a minute later when i could actually hear my own voice i asked my stupid question about women's rights. (Edit: Not that women's right are stupid. Josh said he was disappointed in me for not asking about abortion being murder even in cases of rape and incest. i share the feeling now.)

May the powers that be bless Sloan because she came right up behind me and bitched that motherfucker out. She's Christian, but hello! she goes to Sud Sec! She told him that you should hate the sin, not the sinner and that you can blame someone because they are gay or lesbian. Cue the two minute standing ovation for Sloan, complete with screaming and swearing form the back out the house.

This was the point where Popescu shut his mouth and i don't remember hearing from him for a good long while. Possibly ever.

How do you get elected? Obviously, you should check to see if the school acronym is SSS (or XXX as we renamed it today, it's more fitting). Second you should not try to tell me that my living, breathing, passionately creative and diverse friends have less right to live then a fetus that has never breathed or had a conscious thought.

"Thou shalt not kill, except for fags and artists?"

Trust me, that's not the best things to say to Us.

Camilo earned a few points with me after the debate by saying that we at Sudbury Secondary value each other no matter our race, culture, belief or sexuality. Cue another standing ovation that lasted minutes.

i found Nikki and Con outside later and all i said was "OH MY GOD!!!" and they just launched into a screaming discussion of "Your face when he said ..." and "i wanted to jump on stage and ..." But then their buses came and they had to leave.

Jess and i wondered around the Dunny trying to find Cosmic Dave's Vinyl Emporium, then found the place, got talked to by some people in a car about a concert at Myths and Mirrors that we where already going to, had ham sandwiches at Books and Beans, bused back to the Dunny, sat around and listened to listened to James Lamb, who a bunch of little kids thought was Terry Fox (the phrase "Aren't you dead?" was used, but turns out he's back from the dead for an early Halloween), my mom showed up out of the blue to drive us home, i had a muffin, we dropped dead turkeys fresh from the abattoir off at peoples houses and i came home.

That was my entire day.

Eventful, yet entirely memorable.

EDIT: The people in me school move fast, as i'm spell-checking this the anti-Popescu Facebook group is already up and running.

Okay so today i pretty much decided that i'm dropping out of high school next week and working to that i can get out of this fucking crater sooner. Haven't told anyone yet except L&M, my co-op bosses, Darcy in Waterloo, and Rachel from school. Weird.

Nikki's gonna freak out. Jess is ... well, i'm not sure what Jess will do. No, wait. She's gonna lean forward and say "What?! Are you serious?!" Con is possibly gonna freak out. Josh is gonna be majorly jealous. Ms D. is going to be sooo disappointed 'cuz she worked really hard to get me into the SHSM program. I gave it a try, it wasn't my thing. Mageau and i are going to have a very long talk during which i will undoubtedly cry buckets and buckets. L&M have already okayed it 'cuz i said i would continue working for them, but with less paper work. M said she didn't really agree with it, being the supply teacher that she is, but she said it was cool.

My mom is really happy to see me get over all the whining about school. My dad said he noticed how miserable i've been since i went back to school. This may be due to the fact that he's been a jerk for the last month so whenever i talk to him i'm already pissed off. i'm not sure how Sofy's gonna take the news, seeing as how she left school in the middle of grade 12. Ha, i lasted a whole semester longer than her. Take that, dirty hippie! ... Just kidding, i luv you.

The one thing i am really going to miss is dance troupe. i can't do choreography anymore, so i have to cancel my group on Monday nights. i also have to drop out of the piece L&M are with our students. Hopefully i can still choreograph a solo for Nikki like we planned, 'cuz i'm feeling good about that story. i'm going to talk to Denise at the studio and ask if a can get into a modern class 'cuz i would absolutely die if i didn't have regular classes.

P.S. and completely unrelated to school and/or my stress problems, just 66 days until J.K. Rowling's Tales of Beedle the Bard comes out. And 3 days until Ani's new album, Red Letter Year, drops. Hooray for mail order.

P.P.S. My mom actually sounded excited when she thought about telling Grandma about my leaving school. For anyone who isn't aware, Grandma is all about ready to disown my for my dreadlocks. i won't worry about her opinion until she starts to go downhill and inheritance becomes an issue.

Life is pretty blah right about now. My co-op for school officially starts tomorrow, but i went into the studio this morning to watch a rehearsal. So far my job includes making suggestions and setting the CD player back every time they want to run the piece again. Best high school credit i ever earned.

It's been raining pretty steady since last night, but fortunately it only misted while i was in town. Joy for the fact that i have an old bus schedule and i didn't really have to wait an hour and a half to get back to Lively, i only had to wait a half hour (hey self, remember to pick up a new bus schedule). Waited for my mom at Timmie's, got some random compliment on my hair by some chick outside the grocery store, saw my old boss and ate good food. Not the worst day in the world.

i got back into town at 5:45 AM on Thursday. Crawled into bed at 7, slept until 1, got up and went to dance class. Went shopping at Value Village in Guelph, which unfortunately has a way better selection then ours. Spent WAY too much money on school clothes that i had to carry back on the Greyhound. Luckily i was not beheaded while on the bus. Whew.

i've been sleeping, eating, and breathing since i came home, but not much else.